Where's this coming from?

I am by no means a big deal.

However, I would like to think of myself as successful to a large degree with a healthy balance of confidence-meets-pride in what I do. I wish that could sound as humble as I mean for it to sound in my head - perhaps it's being conveyed that way, which is my hope. I've merely scratched the surface of a much bigger canvas than I personally believe I'm able to imagine at this point in time and my career as a musician and songwriter. Here's my issue tonight, though: I have a handful of impressive bullet points on my resume', but who doesn't?

That sounds - to me just reading it over, at least - as though I'm attempting to minimize my accomplishments thus far in my career, which is not my intention. I am grateful every day that I have been able to see the places I've seen, performed alongside the amazing musicians I've had the distinct pleasure of truly getting to know well, and been seen/heard by some of the most genuine, sincere, and welcoming souls on the road. If you'd allow me to think/type out loud more - really, you have no choice but to stop reading at this point - I believe my intention is to point out that somewhere in Podunk, Kansas there very well may be - and probably is - a young man or woman much like myself, fighting to be heard amidst a sea of cookie-cutter, ubiquitous, drivel that is the pop music of today. How then does one make oneself unique AND differentiated to the point where one becomes in higher demand than the remaining myriad of unique individuals? Is it more than supply vs. demand perhaps? Is the point of what I'm doing to make a buck, leave an artistic footprint on people's lives, both, or something completely not on my radar screen?

I sound like a term paper I had to write in my senior level marketing classes in college. For the record, yes, I used the word "myriad" just now.

I saw Marc Broussard have what I believe to have been a similar mental conversation with himself onstage a year or so ago. Between songs while his band was tuning up, grabbing a drink of water, etc., he spoke of how he missed his "babies back home" and was quick to follow with "...but no one wants to hear some guy in a rock and roll band complain about stuff like that." It was odd, I recall, to see a glimpse of his train of thought, as though he was caught being vulnerable and had to put his rocker cap back on before anyone saw. 800 people saw it. I wonder what the other 799 thought about it.

I am unique in my choice of profession compared to the majority of my peer group in society, somewhat simply stated. Marc Broussard is unique in the same way. For some reason, society - aka "the way things are" - lionizes, if not glorifies, certain occupations (wide receivers in the NFL, talk show hosts, rock stars, etc.) while looking upon others as trivial (a check-out clerk at a supermarket, perhaps) or distasteful (a janitor or mall security guard, maybe). I think Jesus said it best when it comes to the pointlessness of how soceity sees itself: "Indeed there are those who are last and will be first, and first who will be last." (Luke 13:30)

I think what makes us - and maybe me - unique is a certain comfort towards letting our vulnerabilities be exposed, which, granted, has foundations rooted in irony if that which society typically deems worthy of mass-scale attention is used as a paradigm. In other words: when was the last time you saw Halle Berry (simply for the sake of argument) walk down a red carpet wearing jeans - that were purchased for $40 or less - a day-to-day t-shirt, and some average tennis shoes? The mere act of appearing "normal" would very well shatter people's opinions of her possibly to the point of disdain. My point in all of this is: if one dug up Halle Berry's high school yearbook, she'd look just the same as the person next to her who, for the past ten years, has been cranking out a 6 AM - 8 PM work day they feel trapped within to support three kids, a spouse, maybe that master's degree they've been working on so their boss would invite them to the club for dinner after work some day.

Let me get back on track for those of you who may actually be trying to figure out what I'm meaning by all of this (aside: I appreciate you taking the time to read this and hope you can relate it in some way, shape, or form to yourself).

I'm sometimes curious as to why people spend time and money to include me and my music as part of their evening schedule (see first sentence of this blog...). Admittedly, many of my songs could be watered down to the same chord progression, theme, or feel. I'm certainly not the most attractive person on the planet, although I'd like to think that I'm relatively more attractive than I've been in the past since subscribing to Men's Health and getting back in a shape that doesn't resemble a slightly overinflated innertube around my midsection. I'm by far not the most talented singer, songwriter, guitarist, lyricist, or showman, however I'd like to think that I have much potential to be seen as a musician's musician or a songwriter's songwriter. I'm not the funniest guy onstage between songs - always, admittedly, an area of slight uneasiness for me - nor do I look the best in pictures after a show. Usually, I'm soaking with sweat (I call it "passion" - ha!) and give out random high-fives to people who have never most likely received nor given a high-five to someone who just got offstage from playing songs on the guitar.

I'm not - by the way...huge disclaimer - suggesting you kind folks who come to my show or enjoy listening to my music from doing so in the near future. Keep doing what you're doing. Please & thank you.

I think what I strive for more than anything on an artist-to-one who appreciates the art level is an ability to be as 100% myself. Always. I can tell when I'm forcing something and I don't enjoy it. Not only don't I enjoy doing it when I sometimes do it, but I don't enjoy feeling the reaction from the person of people to whom I'm doing it. It's awkward when it happens; now much less than before when I was "starting out," though, as I've become more comfortable with what I'm doing. It's odd: the person I'd most expect to look at what I'm doing and shoot it down is the same person who looks at me with sincere kindness in their eye and tells me how much they wish they'd followed their dream long ago. I can't express what it's like to feel that out of place - that I, of all people, get to hear something so important from a complete stranger that they may have never told their spouse or closest friend.

Shoot, if playing some songs on my guitar and telling some stories in between them gets me the opportunity to do THAT, I'm sold. Now, if only I can do it as long as a guy like James Taylor (whom I saw with Sharpie in hand graciously sign album cover after album cover before picking up his guitar onstage...), there's the trick!

Abridged themes from this blog, just because:

1. Love others as, if not more than, you love yourself.
2. Do what you love, love what you do.
3. You're unique by being yourself, and so is everyone else.
4. Come to a show when you can and bring some friends along.

Thanks for reading,

Ryan